Being A Good Father

 It is not uncommon for those of us who are fathers to be reminded that being a father carries with it great responsibilities. We hear this from the secular and religious realm…and from our own families.

It has also occurred to at least some of us fathers to ponder the question, "What are the areas of my responsibilities and where do I get the knowledge and strength to fulfill them? To address this question I share some thoughts that have come to me.

WE FATHERS NEED TO BE MEN OF FAITH IN GOD

Satan is so subtle; the temptations of the world are so powerful; our fallen nature is so weak; the burdens of life are so heavy that we do not have in ourselves the strength to consistently be the fathers we ought to be. Where shall we find this strength?

We find our answer in the following scripture, "For whatever is born of God overcomes the world.  And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?"   1st John 5:4,5.

We must have faith…that God loves us…that Jesus is God’s Son sent to be the sacrifice for our sin…that Jesus received the full punishment for our sins on the cross…that He wants to be our Savior…that when we receive Him by faith as our Savior all sins are washed away…we are clothed in perfect righteousness and we receive a spiritual birth into God’s family. From the foundation of that relationship we can draw from God the knowledge, strength and all else we need to be the fathers we ought to be.

WE FATHERS NEED TO BE MEN OF COMMITMENT

THAT WE ARE BELIEVERS IN CHRIST

Yes, unsaved people will put the sincerity of our faith to the test again and again. However, if we remain unshakable in our testimony for Christ they will respect us even if they feel uncomfortable in our presence. However, if our lives show that we profess to be one thing among Christians and something else in the world they will despise us.

THAT WE ARE JOYFULLY READY TO SHARE OUR FAITH

No, we don’t have to shove anything down anybody’s throat. Neither do we need to be ashamed of anything that God has done in any area of our life…spiritual, physical, material or financial. "…Always ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear;"  1st Peter 3:15.

"Do all things without complaining or disputing; that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault  in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world."   Philippians 2:14, 15.

THAT WE WILL "GROW IN THE GRACE AND KNOWLEDGE OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST" (From 2nd Peter 3:18)

Until we are everything God is and know everything God knows and can do everything God can we should continue to grow in grace. I am quite sure you are thinking, "We can never reach that point.". True. And that is the reason everyone of us needs to keep growing. Sitting under the teaching and preaching of the word of God will help. However, it is when we personally study and meditate on God’s word; pray and put God’s word into practice in our everyday life that our growth is accelerated.

WE FATHERS NEED TO LOVE THE LORD OUR GOD WITH ALL OUR HEART, SOUL AND MIND    (Matthew 22:37)

Jesus taught that this was the greatest commandment of all and that when we have this kind of love it will motivate us to fulfill our obligations to our God. It needs to be understood that the Greek word Jesus chose for love is agape. Agape love is more of a commitment of the mind and will than it is a feeling of the emotions. It is an unconditional commitment that our thoughts words, and actions will be in the best interest of the object of our love.

The more we understand about the greatness and glory of God; of His great love for us and all that He has done and is doing for us…the more we will love Him. "We love, because He first loved us." 1st John 4:19.

WE FATHERS NEED TO LOVE OUR NEIGHBORS AS OURSELVES           (Matthew 22:39)

Jesus said this was the second greatest commandment of all. We are also informed in Romans 13:8-10 that when we have this kind of love for our neighbors that it will motivate us to fulfill our obligations to them.

To illustrate what loving our neighbor involves Jesus told the story of the good Samaritan. A man departed from Jerusalem to go down to Samaria. He was attacked by robbers who stripped him and beat him and left him half dead. A priest and a Levite came along and saw him, but passed by one the other side. A despised Samaritan came along and had compassion on him. He bandaged his wounds and poured oil and wine on them. He put him on the mule he was riding and took him to an inn and paid for his care.

It appears that Jesus was saying that when we are the closest one to a person in genuine need and possess the ability and resources to meet that need we will do it if we love them as we love ourselves. Even though most of us must admit we have failed many times this should be our goal.

WE FATHERS NEED TO LOVE OUR WIFE

It has often been said that the best way a father can teach his son to be a good husband is to love his wife. God apparently agrees. The most extensive teaching in God’s word on husband/wife relationships is found in Ephesians 5:21-33. Three times husbands are commanded to love their wives, ". . .as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her (verse 25)" "…as their own bodies" (verse 28) and ". . .even as himself" (verse 33). Once again, the scriptural word for love is agape…an unconditional commitment that the husband’s thoughts, words, and actions will be in the best interest of his wife.

The husband will discover that when he is faithful in agape love it will produce philos love within his wife. This is that warm, rich emotional affection that can reach heights of ecstasy. It is the kind of love most of us think of when we hear the word love. It can also motivate the wife to make her commitment to practice agape love towards her husband.

WE FATHERS NEED TO TRAIN OUR CHILDREN IN THE WAY THEY SHOULD GO
(From Proverbs 22:6 and Ephesians 6:4). 
     We are to teach them God’s truth from the word of God. (See Deuteronomy 6:4-9 and Psalm 78:1-8). We can best teach them the positive qualities of the Christian life by the example we set before them. We can teach them…

Faith by trusting God in the great challenges of life
Integrity by being a man of integrity
Moderation by being a man of self-control
Patience by staying calm in frustrations and irritations
Perseverance by overcoming difficult obstacles
Kindness by the way you treat others
Forgiveness by quickly forgiving when asked to do so
Humility by asking forgiveness when we have wronged others.
Gratitude by consistently expressing appreciation
Worth Ethic by knowledge and efficiency in our tasks
Self Worth by demonstrating that God has equipped us (and our children) with everything we need to accomplish whatever God has planned when enabled by His power.

     We also need to correct our children regarding negative attitudes and questions. We teach them that all sin is falling short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Sin is failure to be all and do all God intends us to be and do. It is also being and doing what God did not intend. It also has bad consequences in this life and in eternity. We correct our children by preventive teaching and teaching at the first expressions of negative attitudes and actions. The time most likely will come when we will have to begin fitting punishments to the size of the offense. When done in love, it will be productive. When done in anger, it will probably be counter productive.

     We also need to alert our children that not every person in the world is a person of good will. We need to carefully warn them that they might be approached by people pretending to be helpful or offering things that sound like fun, but these people may have bad and hurtful purposes in mind. In addition, in an age when illegal drugs, alcohol, pornography and immorality have wide acceptance we need to point out to our children that joining their peers in these things can have very bad consequences.

     We should also share with our children that God has made a wonderful provision for all the temptations His children face in life. "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape also, that you may be able to bear it." 1st Corinthians 10:13

What Shall We Do With The Challenge?

     Being a good father is truly one of the greatest challenges we men are called to face. If we ignore the challenge and miserably fail we will surely wish we had tried harder. If we try hard and our children still choose a wayward life, we will at least know we tried. If we truly look to the Lord to enable us to be the example, the teacher, and the corrector we need to be then surely the delight of children in whom we take pride shall be ours.

Copyright © 2002 Thomas E Berry
All Scriptures quoted from NKJV unless otherwise noted.

 

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